10 Years Old

This photo is of my first grandchild, Bentley Dale Callahan, ready to go home from the hospital the day after his birth, July 20, 2010.  Yesterday we celebrated his 10th birthday.  How did that happen?  It seems we were in the delivery room just a couple of years ago.  My daughter had an emergency C-section when he got wedged onto the umbilical cord, so I got to go in and see him first, right after he cried for the doctor.  If I hadn't seen it for myself, I would swear he was a clone of his dad, and my daughter had nothing to do with it.  Now he's grown into an awesome big kid with permanent teeth.  He's kind, funny, caring, athletic.  He hunts and fishes with his dad, he plays baseball when we're not in a pandemic, and he's the best big brother on the planet. From the time of the picture, he has owned a piece of my heart.  I will always simply adore my red headed boy.

I've probably already said I think God gives us people that take our breath away to remind us how He loves us.  How would we know the love of God if we couldn't experience a close version in our earthly lives?  Maybe God watches us grow and mature the way I watch Bentley, with unbridled joy.  I pray nightly that he and his sister will dwell in the safety of God's wings and that life will lead them to become the people He created them to be.  My quest as their grandmother is to show them how to nurture themselves through the storms of life.  I hope they will internalize my voice of acceptance, love, and calm, so they can hear me when I move on to the next life.  I know I have that gift from my grandmothers.

We enjoyed hot dogs, chips, and cupcakes on the deck.  Perfectly unhealthy fare for a kid birthday.  Bentley, along with his sister, his dad, and the basset hound, played with the dodgeball that was in his bag of gifts.  They went home full and sticky and tired, with dirty feet.  I hope this memory will go in their mental scrapbook of their childhood.  I love Bentley, his sister, and their parents beyond words.  I begged God for a family, and could never have imagined how that prayer would be answered.  It is a continual adventure.  Thanks be to God!

Prayer Help

I went to bed Friday night feeling bad that my prayer life had become so dry and repetitive during social distancing.  I seem to say the same things to God, as if he's hard of hearing or isn't paying attention or doesn't care to listen to me.  Then, yesterday, Saturday, a group of 6 from my boarding stable went on a trail ride.  It was familiar territory, the city park right across the street from the farm.  It's too hot to load up horses and trailer them to a different set of trails.  I simply headed out with the others, as I have dozens of times.

Along the way, I became aware of all my senses, so I tuned in.  I saw beams of sunshine reaching through the tree cover. I saw a string of people and horses I love stretching out ahead of me.  I saw little purple phlox peeking out of the greenery.  I heard water flowing over the rocky falls and down the river.  I heard chatter and laughter up ahead.  I heard a story of how a conflict at the farm had been resolved amicably.  I smelled the beloved scent of horses, woods, and river.  I felt the sway of the horse I've loved and ridden for 23 years.  She has carried me so many miles she compensates for my crooked back.   Other riders say she tracks to the right, but it feels straight and steady to me. I realized with a start that the whole ride was a prayer, a very rich, detailed prayer of thanksgiving.  

Sometimes the harder I try, the more elusive my holy connection becomes.  Then, when I'm not paying attention or engaged in something else, I realize the veil has been drawn and the holy presence I seek has been there all along.  It's not a matter of trying harder, but of trusting that I will be drawn back in.  It's hard to let go and trust.  I feel much more confident of things that improve when I put in effort, like working in the yard or cleaning the bathrooms.

I am reminded of the hymn, "Taste and See", which has been recorded and posted on YouTube by several wonderful singers.  I like the one featuring Chelsea Esmeier. 

4th of July

Hello Friends,

Happy 4th of July!  It's a toned down celebration in our part of Arkansas this year, but I can hear some fireworks going off.  The basset hound seems to be oblivious.  He wanted an evening walk, but it's raining.  Maybe that will usher in a little cool breeze.

I've been writing a monthly prayer for my church e-news this summer, so here's the one for July:

Gracious God, You have blessed our lives by providing us the many opportunities of a free, democratic country as our home.  We lift our voices in thanksgiving as we celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence on July 4.  Bind in our hearts the central tenet of this document: "We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Give us wisdom and courage to live these truths, and to help assure that all in our country enjoy the dignity of these basic rights. We pray for those whose lives are constrained by oppressive regimes throughout the world.  Help us to learn through these unusual days of pandemic how the nations of the world are connected, and nurture our ability to see the face of your son, Jesus, in those whom we look upon as "other".  Guide us through this challenging time.  Show us how we can "be the church" while caring for one another by social distancing.  In Your holy name we pray.  Amen.

I had never before noticed the similarity between "We hold these truths to be self evident..." and "Respect the dignity of every human being".  Words to ponder.

Sabbath on Monday

Hello Friends,

We're following our own schedule this week, and letting Sabbath fall on Monday.  We knocked ourselves out in the yard yesterday weeding, planting, and mulching, so are taking a break today.  Time has become an odd commodity in these days of pandemic.  I wake up and have to think what day it is and what I had planned to do.  The usual rhythm of the week is set by outside commitments that are suspended.  And we can tune in to online church any time.

What does Sabbath mean in today's world?  For us, in normal times, it begins with worship.  Then, for me, Sunday afternoon is time to gather and ride with friends unless the weather interferes.  That's where the name of this blog originated:  the Episcopal cowgirl attends church, then goes out in the woods on a horse.  I can't count the times those 2 passions have fueled each other.  Singing, hearing scripture and a sermon, and sharing Eucharist primes me to be aware of the holy presence all around us.  Then I go out on big Flash, and although I'm with friends, there are profound moments of solitude where the veil between worlds is lifted for a moment.  I usually ride along singing a hymn from the service, then look up to see the sun shining through the trees or hear water falling over the rocks and am simply transported to a different, luminous reality.  I'm tired after the day's activities, but satiated with feelings of abundance and providence.  What more could a sabbath offer?

How are you managing your time during quarantine? Are you struggling, as I am, to set aside time to be productive, time to rest, time to grow your knowledge, time for self-care?  I read an article yesterday about how hard this is for people with OCD - what is normal, healthy cleaning in the time of a virulent threat and what goes over the line into pathology? My problem is more along the lines of how lazy can I be about cleaning and still be healthy and safe?  We are probably unique in our struggle, but I suspect we each face challenges.  

I'm very curious how I will experience time, one of our greatest gifts from the creator, once we pass through this scare.  I have learned some things during isolation.  I plan to continue to limit my time spent (wasted?) in stores and in activities that don't feed me.  What will I go back to when sanctions are lifted and what will I find is no longer worth my precious time?  Do you have these thoughts and dilemmas?  May the Spirit that feeds our souls guide us into this uncertain future full of possibility.

Well, Duh!

Hello Friends,

I had an 'Aha!' moment getting ready for bed last night.  I knew instantly why I was depressed yesterday: it was my father's birthday.  He was born in the deep south on June 19, "Juneteenth". Although he's been gone now for 57 years, I remember with total clarity how he was my North Star.  As a very young heart patient (he died at 38), he knew his life would be cut short.  He was ill, unable to rid his body of the killer cholesterol, in the years that just preceded effective medicines and bypass surgery.  He spent as much of his precious, limited time with me as possible - wherever you found him, you found me. 

Have you had that experience where your mood for the day seems determined by some unseen force, then you realize there's a powerful memory attached to the date?  I carry my dad's DNA.  The milestones of his life are part of me at a cellular level.  What if it's like that with the imprint of our heavenly father?  It intrigues me to think we have an innate connection to our creator that draws us throughout our earthly life into the luminous presence of the holy.  I was unaware until bedtime that I was directed yesterday by the mystical memory of my dad.  There are probably numerous times when I've been led that way by the Holy Spirit, but may never know on this side when it was happening. 

I'm aware of a couple of examples.  I met my true love during college, had no doubt whatsoever that he was the one, and married him against my family's wishes.  We celebrate our 40th anniversary in August. That was that first time, on a big decision, that I didn't take my cues from my elders. When they leaned on me to change my plans, I had always deferred to their wishes.  But there was no waffling about my Stephen. I was clearly strengthened by a force I hadn't acknowledged before.  And my 2 beautiful daughters are both adopted.  I sometimes catch my breath in wonder that I had the wherewithal to sign on for life with these helpless, totally dependent, completely enchanting little beings that I didn't even know about until after their birth.  The three greatest blessings of my life came with a great deal of surprise and unfolding mystery.  But I'm ever more convinced it was no 'accident' that this family was created as it was. 

So, I'd like to have the doors of my soul opened as much as possible to the movement of the spirit in my life.  Prayer helps. As does quiet meditation.  I get all babbly and talk too much most of the time.  There are a lot of people I know and love who need to be lifted up at any given time.  And it is my pleasure to have them along in my prayers.  But what do I need to do, or perhaps not do, to increase my attention to things unseen and unspoken?  I know You're there.  Lord, can you help me tune in to the subconscious channel on my radio?

Zzzzzzz

Hello Friends,

Scattered showers in my area drove us inside today.  We've been busy beavers in the yard, and I've been riding almost every day.  I thought I'd use the opportunity to tear through some housework, but have felt more like dozing the day away. We're having a spike in covid-19 in our corner of Arkansas, which has me a bit worried and unlikely to go out much.  Our local Target, where we shopped early in the week, has had 6 employees test positive.

How does one go about finding the direction of the spirit during a time of the doldrums?  While I feel like taking my cues from the basset hound and laying around, it doesn't leave me rested or rejuvenated. And my best prayer time comes when my hands are busy.  I pull weeds and ask God to prune from me what is not part of his holy plan.  I wash and fold laundry and ask God to wash sin from me and make me fresh for renewed service.  I prepare meals and pray for those who don't have enough of life's necessities.  But I lose my creativity and my lifeline when my energy flags like this.

Maybe the spirit can hear this prayer:  Lord of all life, I am weary with the fallout of quarantine.  I know my family and friends are as well. Strengthen us all to bear this time of isolation with grace.  I miss my far away daughter.  And I miss the summer activities of my local daughter's family.  I miss my church family and the weekly rhythm that keeps me tied to you.  Lead me to sources of your wisdom and guidance, like Scripture and other spiritual reading.  Bring peace to my heart that only you can give. Amen

No Going Back

Hello Friends,

I read a very good article this morning in The Atlantic magazine.  It's by Ekemini Uwan, and is called "There's No Going Back to 'Normal'".  Uwan posits that with the pandemic, global economic meltdown, racial unrest, and political polarization we're experiencing, there will be no resumption of life as we knew it.  But, perhaps a better future can be forged the other side of this upheaval.  A critical piece of moving forward is grieving what we can no longer sustain. She employs the term 'radical acceptance', originated by psychologist Marsha Linehan, to describe the kind of unvarnished truth we must see with open eyes and hearts.  I love that term.  

At first it reminded me of a term we use in my tradition to describe widespread inclusion, 'radical hospitality'.  Sure enough, Uwan is a theologian and earns her living speaking at conferences, universities, and churches.  She knows how to be careful and precise with words.  'Radical acceptance' involves distinguishing between things we cannot change and those we can.  She's best understood in her own words, so I'm writing today to commend this article to you.  Happy reading. 

Oops, I Goofed

Hello friends,

I'd like to share a couple of things that happened last night very close together.  I realized in the shower that I had dropped the ball on a task I took on for my church.  Our services are online right now, so most of the Sunday lay ministries are on hold during the pandemic.  One thing we can continue, however, is the altar flower ministry.  Several years back, we decided to do the flowers ourselves, as commercial arrangements were beyond many of our budgets and the church was on a tight string as well.  It has been a surprisingly popular ministry, with parishioners claiming the Sundays of the year in honor or in memory of loved ones and special events. We enjoy a bounty of simple arrangements from peoples' yards or from our local stores. Since we're not seeing the bulletin board outside the office right now, I agreed to schedule flowers, probably for the remainder of 2020.  I forgot to take care of this week.

My go-to response is to beat up on myself for being so forgetful and disorganized.  So I naturally headed down that path.  Later, clean me was sitting in my recliner reading a chapter in Henri Nouwen's Spiritual Direction.  It was the chapter on God's love for each of us.  I had already read Life of the Beloved several years ago, but I need frequent reminders.  Nouwen, in many of his writings, finds a way to emphasize the point that we are each God's very special beloved - even when we forget to take care of the altar flowers.  

Can I come to feel, deep in my being, that I am loved no matter what?  That is a quest at the core of my spiritual journey.  The people who raised me were good people doing their best.  But I'm a baby boomer.  I grew up at a time, in a place, in a family where my treatment depended on my behavior.  I was rewarded or punished for doing, not being.  When I lost my dad at age 8, I lost the person who simply delighted in my company.  I've spent most of my life consciously or unconsciously trying to please and earn favor.  I'm retirement age, and am finally expressing some facets of my personality that I've either been unaware of or kept under wraps for many years.  I wish you could see my Bonnie Raitt hair color!  My husband is liking the experimental me.  He's another blessing in my life who encourages me to be my true self. 

Is there a way you can put some of your corona virus boredom to good use exploring your innate belovedness?  What do you embrace about who you are today?  Is there anything you might delete or add during this major opportunity to reset?  May you be wrapped in God's abiding love while you ponder these eternal questions.

Ordinary Time

Hello friends,

I'm over my rant. Back to thinking about a spiritual path through these unusual days.  Yesterday was the first Sunday after Pentecost, the beginning of our longest liturgical season.  We will have green hangings on the altar until the first Sunday of Advent, sometime next November.  The season of Pentecost is called 'Ordinary Time' in our tradition.  The scripture readings for this season focus on the life and the words of Jesus, so we get an extended opportunity to sit with the lessons and parables he gave us to teach us the ways of God's kingdom.

I can't remember a time when the days have been so ordinary.  We are retired, so are not struggling with the competing demands of children, jobs, household tasks, and summer entertainment.  We are as content as a couple can be to honor our ages and stay at home most of the time.  We spend our days reading, playing games, working crossword puzzles, eating well, working in the yard, and, of course, walking the dog. I've enjoyed some horse time when it isn't too hot.   I am also making my way through a pile of household projects that I've started and not finished, 😜, an unfortunate habit of mine.  I hope to come out of isolation with things in better order around here. Our lives are unexciting and slow now, each day melting into the next.

As a sort of undisciplined spirit in most ways, I always have several books going at once.  Sometimes they converge on a theme to the point where I detect a message from my buddy, the HS.  Three books on my side table right now are: The Quotidian Mysteries by Kathleen Norris, Spiritual Direction by Henri Nouwen, and The Mystic in You by Bruce Epperly.  Norris's book is about how the everyday tasks of keeping house can become holy time if done with intention.  This particular Nouwen book is about how to engage in deliberate spiritual direction, as an individual or in a group.  The Epperly book, which I just started, describes the life and theology of twelve mystics from a variety of faith traditions, along with suggestions for connecting with their spiritual practices.   The common theme that opens each of these rich books is that we have to be still and make room in our minds and hearts if we want a closer relationship with God.  This fits well with our summer of home time.

While I'm intrigued by making expansive room in my life for all things holy, my dearest hope is that I will be permanently altered by this unprecedented time of quarantine. I can already feel the ground shifting in my purchasing habits.  I have long 'wanted' to stop participating in the consumerism so central to our culture. Fear of the corona virus has kept me out of stores, and cleaning our closets and drawers has reminded me how we truly have a great plenty.  It takes time to break or form a habit, and I plan to keep the habit of simply buying what we need when we need it.  Bye, bye marketing schemes.

My three authors also include plenty of reminders to live in gratitude.  I live an enviable life.  At the moment, our health is good.  We have access to healthy habits and medical care.  We have enough income that we can live simply without worry.  I have a lovely family; we care deeply for each other.  I have plenty of the world's goods, an abundance actually.  So this is my 'ordinary'.

What is 'ordinary' life for those who are underprivileged?  For people who are unemployed. For those who go without, especially children who go to bed hungry.  For all who lack access to housing, medical care, good education.  For the addicted.  For the sick.  For those whose lives occur in the path of violence.  For those whose 'ordinary' is dirty, abusive, traumatic, destitute.  

How can life in our country be improved to the point that everyone has a respectable 'ordinary'?  The questions that need to be asked and addressed are complex.  There will be disagreement about solutions. The privileged, including me, will have to buy in to any substantial change in our economic structure. Age old biases and discrimination must be unraveled. We must learn to see the 'other' as a beloved child of God in order to even have the conversations.  The path forward is not easy or comfortable, but it is at the heart of our baptismal covenant.  It seems like the height of hypocrisy to ask that my heart be opened to God without asking for the wisdom and courage to act on what I may learn.  Open my eyes and ears, Lord, and make use of my hands and feet in humble service that "thy will" may be done "on earth as in heaven".

I Can't Breathe

It has taken me awhile to formulate a response to George Floyd's tragic and senseless murder in Minneapolis.  The country has erupted in protests, some of them violent.  My internet news sources have posted interviews, editorials, and photos of the incident and the subsequent world-wide response.  I am riveted by a particular photo.  It is of the President of the US, Donald Trump, holding up a Bible in front of St. John's Episcopal Church in the nation's capital.  Rubber bullets were used on protesters to clear his way to this staged photo op.  This image enrages me to the point of nausea.  My hands are shaking so hard I can hardly type.  Everything this man is, does, and says flies in the face of Episcopal theology, and I hope the push back from the church and the public causes him to hesitate to use our resources for his hate-filled agenda in the future.  He and his administration spew racism, division, and threats of violence in every news cycle to stir up their cowardly, paranoid base that is desperate to find a scapegoat for their misery. 

Let me explain.  As I have pointed out, we are a liturgical church, with Holy Baptism and Holy Eucharist being the most central rites of our common life.  In normal times, we celebrate the Eucharist (Holy Communion) every week, as contrasted with the occasional use of Communion in many denominations.  We do this primarily to make the trip to the altar a regular event of the week.  We engage there in the most holy exchange available: we take in the mystical body and blood of the Savior to be transformed and strengthened for the work we are called to do in a broken and suffering world.  At the same time, we offer to serve as God's hands and hearts in the coming week.  One could not possibly live in this manner in good faith and be filled to overflowing with selfishness, vindictiveness, small-mindedness and all-consuming narcissism.

Even more to the point is the rite of Baptism.  We celebrate Holy Baptism on feast days, such as the Easter Vigil and Pentecost, the bestowing of the Holy Spirit, which fell on this past Sunday.  It is a joyous day when we have someone wanting Baptism for themselves or a child.  When there are no candidates, we repeat the Baptismal covenant anyway.  The questions asked form the core of our theology. Here are a few that are burning in my heart this week:  Do you renounce the evil powers of this world which corrupt and destroy the creatures of God? Do you reaffirm your renunciation of evil? Do you renew your commitment to Jesus Christ? Will you persevere in resisting evil, and, whenever you fall into sin, repent and return to the Lord?  Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being? (Book of Common Prayer, pp. 302-305)

Another image was provided by my priest.  We noticed in our recorded service for Pentecost Sunday that her voice cracked as she ended her sermon.  In a conversation yesterday, she said, "I couldn't stop seeing that officer's knee on the neck of Jesus."  That's how you respect the dignity of every human being - search for the face of Jesus.

So, Mr. President, kindly do not use my beloved church as a backdrop for your photo ops.  We pray for you regularly, but have yet to see the kind of transformation we hope for all of God's children.  When you attended the memorial service for a true American hero, Sen. John McCain, whom you continue to drag up as a focus of your ire, it appeared that you do not even know the words to The Lord's Prayer. Take your campaign to places where your way of thinking and speaking are considered acceptable.

Tables Turned

Hi friends!  I'm glad to be back with you.  I was at the lake (no wi-fi) for almost a week, then had minor surgery when I got home.  We're still isolating for the most part, though Arkansas is opening back up.  I'm curious what the landscape will look like 2 weeks from last weekend, Memorial Day.  There is a private, but well populated, dock in our lake neighborhood, but people were pretty cautious.  Maybe because most of us are old farts!

Two days back, I had an office procedure to remove a basal cell carcinoma from my cheek.  It's called a Mohs procedure, and it's used on faces for its good cosmetic outcome.  I'm a fair-skinned red head, and am lucky to have made it to 65 before needing this.  I had numerous bad sunburns as a child before good sun screens were developed while I was in college.  Apply your SPF people!!

I'd compare this procedure to about a crown prep in the dentist's office: local anesthetic, minimal pain once the lidocaine took effect, mostly icky sensations as the spot was worked on.  I had a very interesting spiritual insight as I reclined in the treatment chair.  As you've probably noticed from previous posts, I regularly practice several prayer disciplines and, at this point, do not separate "prayer life" from "life".  Breath prayer calms and centers me, intercessory prayer feeds me and provides a way to love my people, and the prayers in the Book of Common Prayer lift me into the holy presence with great reliability.  I also belong to an order, The Daughters of the King, and we make a promise to pray regularly as a rule of life.  One way we assist our priest is to divide up the parish roster and pray for the people in our church family.  So I'm experienced and devoted to praying for others.

My "Wow!" moment on Tuesday came from deeply feeling the prayers that were holding me up during my procedure.  I had informed my DOK sisters and asked for their prayers.  During the uncomfortable moments of my surgery, I actually smiled inwardly as I realized I was not alone. I would have tolerated the sensations anyway, but knowing I was thought about and cared for at that moment was incredibly empowering.  There is apparently deep spiritual insight to be gained in our times of vulnerability.  I resist vulnerability, as I expect many people do.  We prefer to feel 'in control' and will often go to great lengths to project that fallacy. My new understanding will inform my prayers for all who are sick, scared, imprisoned, suffering - all situations of vulnerability.

 

My face is swollen and sore, my eye nearly shut.  That will heal over the next few days. I had a good experience:  the one and only round of excision got the cancer cells (the patient next door had to have additional rounds).  I'd be happy not to have to do this again for awhile.  But, the feeling of simply surrendering to the prayer and good will sent my way, with gratitude, will remain.  Thank you, dear Holy Spirit for continuing to teach me in all kinds of circumstances.

I'll close with a DOK prayer, "For the Life of Prayer":

O God of peace, you have taught us that in returning and rest we shall be saved and in quiet and confidence shall be our strength, we pray that by the might of your spirit you will lift us to your presence where we may be still and know that you are God.  Amen.

Gone Fishin'

We're heading out today to spend some quarantine at the lake.  We have a cabin on Beaver Lake, and you'd have trouble finding a more isolated place that was still close to civilization.  I'm looking forward to the quiet, to the undisturbed dark at night, and to the restorative quality of the water.  We're taking the hound with us.  Right now he's pacing around worrying about being left behind (as if that's ever happened!). but he'll go to sleep in his travel kennel.  I'm taking some sewing and a scrapbook project, but I mainly plan to read and lounge around.

I won't be able to blog for a few days.  We have no wireless out there.  I'll try to soak up some peace and commune with my co-author.  The Holy Spirit lives at the lake, so maybe I'll get home with some new thoughts and words.  I'd like to sign off for a few days with this prayer, sent from the chaplain of the Arkansas Daughters of the King:

We are not people of fear;

we are people of courage.

We are not people who protect our own safety;

we are people who protect our neighbors' safety.

We are not people of greed;

we are people of generosity.

We are your people God,

giving and loving,

wherever we are,

whatever it costs

For as long as it takes

wherever you call us.

Amen

by Barbara Glasson, President of the Methodist Conference

Department of Silver Linings

As I have mentioned, the pandemic threw a monkey wrench into my daughter's wedding plans.  This was their original big weekend.  When she left Arkansas March 8 after putting the final touches on the plans, she was expecting her next trip to be the actual celebration this weekend.  We "should" be winding up the rehearsal and heading for a wonderful Italian meal with toasts and (slightly embarrassing) stories about the special couple.  One little issue would have (literally) clouded their plans - it has been storming to beat the band all day and is forecast to do so tomorrow as well.  I don't mean a little rain.  I mean hard wind and flood warnings. They would be just as married if we all had droopy (in my case, frizzy) hair, but I know she would be disappointed that there were no outdoor pictures, and nasty weather would complicate every movement (and there are many) throughout the weekend.  That may be an effort to make lemonade out of lemons, but we will have another run at this - newest plan is June 26, 2021.  They will have an engagement that exceeds 2 years, but they have seemed like a married couple for awhile now, and we will celebrate them when it is safe to do so with their special people in attendance.

Could there be other surprising silver linings to this devastating  disease that has spread such misery and fear?  Let me be clear - in no way am I minimizing the suffering and loss of life and income that have befallen so many.  My heart breaks at the pictures on the news feed, and I believe God's heart breaks at human suffering.  But I see at least 2 things occurring that bring me hope.

For one, there appears to be some healing of Mother Earth as human movement has been brought to a virtual standstill.  It can be observed from the space station that pollution is remarkably reduced.  We have grown so accustomed to our cars and out ability to travel anywhere we wish, I doubt we could have achieved this result through policy or will power alone, especially since we disagree so heartily about whether trashing the environment poses a significant risk.

I also see signs that the systemic factors that separate the "haves" from the "have nots" have been shown in sharp relief by the covid-19 pandemic.  Enough data has been amassed, even at what the experts caution is an early stage, to show without doubt that the suffering wrought by the corona virus has fallen heavily on the disadvantaged.  Higher  rates of infection, higher death rates, greater food and housing insecurity, loss of hope - all have hit racial minorities and those on the margins of society with exceptional viciousness.  May we be forever shamed and moved beyond the present crisis that this can still happen in the world's richest country. 

Merciful Lord, keep before us your special affection for the needy, and let this lesson sink deeply into the collective psyche of the comfortable.  The virus does not distinguish between "worthy" and "unworthy" people, and neither should we.  My family is relatively safe and comfortable only by way of the circumstance of our birth. Remind us that You love the entire human family, and that we can show gratitude for our lives by serving as your hands and hearts in a harsh world.  Amen

Pandemic Trail ride

Yesterday, Mothers' Day, I got to commune with God on a trail ride!  5 friends, 5 horses, 2 trailers headed off to Hobbs State Park in Northwest Arkansas.  It was a glorious day, and the woods were beautiful.  We rode 7 miles in 4 hours.  Zero to 4 hours was probably a push, but Flash and I did not get tired until the last mile (Well, I didn't.  She's been packing around kids, so may have been tired from the trailhead carrying me!). As usual, the symphony of the woods carried me straight to my holy place.  The towering pines with the sun shining through makes me feel like a little speck in the universe, and that feels just fine in these days of worry and news overload.  You can't see me grinning ear-to-ear riding down the trail in my covid/pollen mask, but it was a joyful afternoon, and worth every single sore muscle.

National Day of Prayer

I was reminded by a friend's blog that today has been designated the National Day of Prayer in the U.S.  While I am not of the evangelical tradition of Christianity from whence this comes, a day set aside for prayer seems a fine idea.  It may be more on the average person's mind in this time of pandemic, so let's raise our collective voices to our risen Lord.

I belong to the liturgical Episcopal faith, and believe our Book of Common Prayer is full of wonderful prayers for most any occasion.  Since The Lord's Prayer is so familiar and has been discussed by many, I'm choosing another favorite for today's post.  I get chills during the Rite of Holy Baptism every time the prayer is said over the font of water:

We thank you, Almighty God, for the gift of water. Over it the Holy Spirit moved in the beginning of creation.  Through it you led the children of Israel out of their bondage in Egypt into the land of promise. In it your Son Jesus received the baptism of John and was anointed by the Holy Spirit as the Messiah, the Christ, to lead us, through his death and resurrection, from the bondage of sin into everlasting life.

We thank you, Father, for the water of Baptism.  In it we are buried with Christ in his death.  By it we share in his resurrection.  Through it we are reborn by the Holy Spirit.  Therefore in joyful obedience to your Son, we bring into his fellowship those who come to him in faith, baptizing them in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Now sanctify this water, we pray you, by the power of your Holy Spirit, that those who here are cleansed from sin and born again may continue for ever in the risen life of Jesus Christ our Savior.

To him, to you, and to the Holy Spirit, be all honor and glory, now and for ever. Amen.  BCP, p. 306

Isn't that just the most beautiful, complete prayer?  It harkens back to creation and to our heritage in Judaism at the same time that it moves us forward into a life in Christ Jesus.  In our tradition, there are seven recognized rites, but Baptism and Holy Eucharist (Holy Communion) are given special emphasis.  In the service of Baptism, we formally welcome new members into the household of the church.  They (we) go forth from that service changed forever, marked on the forehead as Christ's own.  No wonder my priest gets so excited when someone chooses to be baptized and we get to experience this astounding celebration.

You might wonder what this particular prayer has to do with the spiritual journey of pandemic.  To me, this is a prayer of salvation.  I was baptized as an infant.  There are faded pictures of that day in my scrapbooks.  My loving parents brought me into the church to be blessed and connected to the Holy Spirit for life.  It was a day of joy and celebration for my whole extended family.  Now, when feelings of despair threaten to swamp me, prayers like this remind me that it's all bigger than our present circumstances, whatever they are.

I've been struck over the past year or so with the notion that, maybe it's not death that is the big upheaval, but rather our time here on Earth.  What if we have been with God all along, we get sent here for a time, then go back to God?  While I have moments of fearing death, like any human, what if it is just a returning home?  Every once in a while, the veil between our world and the next becomes very thin, and I get inklings of a bigger existence.  It is times like this that convince me of the connectedness of every living thing.  Hasn't that been one of the main lessons of this unruly virus?  Experts across countries and disciplines have been quoted widely saying, "We're all in this together."

My rare moments of insight usually happen when I'm near water.  Thanks be to God.

Corona virus landscape

I've been using more brawn than brain lately. This is the view out our den door leading to the back yard.  We've had this paving project on the back burner for a couple of years, until we had the time and energy to get it done.  Well, at least we have the time!  We're going to have to retire from the rock-moving business, but, being a great lover of jigsaw puzzles, I really enjoy arranging these pavers into a pleasing pattern.  We have a new gas grill to complete the look and increase our cooking options as it gets hot.

What is so satisfying about turning off my brain and getting completely filthy?  Yesterday, I went to the farm for a beauty parlor session with my sweet mare.  The teen volunteers have helped her shed her winter coat, a spring ritual I normally enjoy.  And they're riding her some on the trails, which I appreciate.  She gets upset when the other horses go out without her.  When I came home, Stephen and I worked on the landscaping project.  Then, while he started supper, I pulled weeds in the front yard.

It used to frustrate my proper mother no end that I preferred horses and dirt to social events.  Maybe it's the subversive element that appeals to me.  But, I think the reality is that it's just who I am.  I would not get so much pleasure from yard work and horse chores if it was just rebellion against expectations.

I love the thought of the Creator fashioning each of us with great care and attention, choosing a special array of interests and strengths to impart to each new human. The epistles of Paul are littered with references to One body/Many parts.  As I reflect on my beloved church community, I can see with clarity and gratitude how we come together to function as the body of Christ.  Several are gifted with hospitality, and coordinate our celebrations and pot lucks.  Some are passionate about outreach and serving the needy.  Thus, we have feeding ministries, a school supply drive, and an angel tree at Christmas.  We have gifted teachers, singers with lovely voices (plus one excellent cellist!), and, of course, wonderful cooks.  And we have the simply reliable, those behind-the-scenes angels who can be counted on to show up for reverent holy work caring for the altar, the building, and the grounds (one of my venues!).  My gratitude is sparked each time I'm reminded that I'm not suited for many of the tasks of the church, but we've been blessed with others who are. Trying to engage with a ministry that doesn't fit is a recipe for burn-out and resentment.

Saint Paul put it very well in 1 Corinthians 12:

Just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in the one Spirit we were all baptized into one body - Jews or Greeks, slaves or free - and we were all made to drink of one Spirit.

Indeed, the body does not consist of one member but of many.  If the foot would say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body.  And if the ear would say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body.  If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose.  If all were a single member, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many members, yet one body.  The eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you," nor again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you."

Do you have a firm grasp of your gifts?  If you're unsure, I suggest that you reflect on those activities that bring you great joy.  What engages you to the point you lose track of time?  I like to dig in the dirt.  What is your passion?  The world needs it, whatever it is.

Hymn of the Day - 490

I often wake up with a hymn running through my head.  Sometimes, like today, it is so persistent that I feel it's calling me to pay attention to something.  Today's hymn is #490: "I want to walk as a child of the light" (full text below).

I think this hymn was sung at the online service of my church last Sunday, which may explain its appearance in my subconscious. Reflecting on this tune and its words brings up theological questions that have and continue to confound me.  We are a  Trinitarian church - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  The clergy at my church play a game each year of trying to pawn the Trinity Sunday sermon off on each other.  I can understand why.  The best conception I've learned over the years is that God can be thought of as a sacred Being with (at least) three identities: The Creator (Father), the Redeemer (Son), and the Comforter (Holy Spirit).  That at least moves me beyond thinking of Jesus as The Father's little boy.  As we hear at the opening of John's gospel, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God." So, the Word, Jesus, was there all along.

Of the three, Jesus is the hardest for me to wrap my human mind around.  I expect this to sound strange to some, as He is the face of God who came among us for a time.  I can see evidence of the Creator for myself: in the faces of those I love, in the animals I love, in the woods, on the water, in the seasons.  And I can see creation continuing to unfold as babies are born and the earth and our galaxy behave in predictable cycles.  I can feel the Comforter: a compelling presence drawing me into prayer, the unexpected sting of tears upon hearing a piece of music or looking upon a scene, a nudge that points me toward some behavior (like writing a blog).

Then there's Jesus, the Redeemer.  I can certainly believe in redemption, as I've known profound forgiveness and healing in my journey.  But the part about Jesus coming to Earth to give his life for my sins - huh???  Jesus coming to Earth to model Godly behavior is easy.  Jesus coming to Earth in the form of an infant to surprise humanity about how God works, I get.  I'm coming to grips with Jesus as the only person ever who was both fully human and fully divine, and therefore sinless.

This hymn does capture some important Jesus things for me.  Jesus as the Light of the World resonates strongly, and I so much want to live in relationship with Jesus. Maybe one of my husband's spiritual directors was right when she said, "He's just sitting in the corner waiting for you."  I'll keep striving.  I close my eyes as the Eucharistic prayers are said, "He took bread, broke it, and gave it to his disciples.....After supper He took the cup of wine...."  I can imagine his strong carpenter hands and picture Him doing these servant tasks in my mind. But I still have a lot of questions that will just have to wait until my race is run.


Hymn 490 - Episcopal Hymnal

I want to walk as a child of the light.
I want to follow Jesus.
God set the stars to give light to the world.
The star of my life is Jesus.

I want to see the brightness of God.
I want to look at Jesus.
Clear sun of righteousness, shine on my path,
and show me the way to the Father.

I'm looking for the coming of Christ.
I want to be with Jesus.
When we have run with patience the race, 
we shall know the joy of Jesus.

Refrain: 
In him there is no darkness at all.
The night and the day are both alike.
The Lamb is the light of the city of God.
Shine in my heart, Lord Jesus.

April 23 - A Birthday!

Today is a day of celebration in our family.  Younger daughter, Emily, was born this day exactly 30 years ago.  Happiest of birthdays to you, sweet girl!!  We Face Timed and sent a gift via Venmo, the best we could conjure up during quarantine.  She is working remotely, at her home in Ohio.  She would be about 3 weeks from her wedding if Covid-19 had not made a mess of things.  Her equally sweet man surprised her with bakery treats this morning and forbade her bringing in any packages that arrived on the front porch.  Hmmmm.  Glad he's a romantic who likes to dream up surprises for her.

The day of her birth, we were home for about 10 minutes during our lunch break.  The phone rang, and my doctor, whom I had talked with only about 3 months earlier, was on the line.  "I just delivered a healthy baby.  Do you want it?"   "Yes! Yes! Yes!  Thank you for choosing us!!!"   I hung up and ran to the bedroom to tell my husband.  "Boy or girl?", he asked.  "I forgot to ask - all I heard was 'healthy baby'".  So we sat on the patio and thought up a boy name and a girl name before I called the doctor back.  We had her home to join us and her sister, almost 2, the next day.  What a thrill.  Instant family.

No one is related by blood in our little nuclear family.  I guess the way we came together is my strongest personal evidence for a loving God.  I grew up in South Arkansas, Stephen in Boston. There is a 7-year age difference between us. The odds of us meeting and falling in love were very slim.  Then our lives were blessed with two beautiful daughters, who could have gone to any number of loving couples who wanted to adopt a child.  Each of those events felt to me like God reached down and handed me the deepest desire of my heart. What I wanted most in this life was a family.  And I have the perfect family for me.  Thanks be to God!!

A calligraphy of this birthday prayer hangs in Emily's room, a gift from her Godmother on the day of her baptism, June 3, Pentecost, 1990:

Watch over thy child, O Lord, as her days increase;
bless and guide her wherever she may be, 
keeping her unspotted from the world.

Strengthen her when she stands;
comfort her when discouraged or sorrowful;
raise her up if she fall.

And in her heart may thy peace,
which passeth understanding, 
abide all the days of her life.
Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen

Music to Feed the Soul - Part 2, Piano Music

I would feel like a dope if I wasted this unique opportunity to rid my home of clutter and unfinished projects.  We have been empty nesters for over 10 years, and have done some of the home improvements that were on our list while Stephen was working full time.  But I find, especially since my recent 65th birthday, that I'm compelled to travel lighter into the future.  I'm prone to "what if I need this in the future" or "what if I return to this hobby" thinking.  But by this time, I know how I want to spend my time and energy.  More time at the barn, more time with daughters and grandchildren, more time at the cabin, more time to read, more time to sew, more time for yoga, meditation, and prayer.  Less time spent cleaning, sorting, shopping.  And my least favorite household task - dusting!! 😝

My version of  "A Spoonful of Sugar..." is "A nice background of music...".  I listen to lots of piano music.  I took lessons as a child, as I figure some of you did.  The piano is unique among instruments. I'm married to a cellist, and there is basically one collection of solo cello music, J.S. Bach's wonderful 6 Suites for solo cello.  Obviously, the piano stands alone beautifully, and there is a wealth of music in every style for solo piano.  Also, my favorite musical form ever is the piano concerto (don't tell my husband!).  A concerto features a solo instrument along with an orchestra, and there are concertos for virtually all instruments - piano, violin, cello, clarinet, trumpet, and on and on.  But, the piano is not normally itself an instrument of an orchestra.  That makes it stand out as a solo instrument in a magnificent way.  I've been blessed to hear some of my favorite artists in live performance: Richard Goode and Menahem Pressler (Boston Symphony) and Elisabeth Leonskaja (Vienna Symphony).

Below is a list of favorites, beginning with piano alone and working up to concertos.  I'm saving chamber music (compositions where each instrument has a unique part), which depends heavily on piano, for its own post. Again, this is not exhaustive.  Just some that I enjoy.  Add yours to the comments if you'd like!

Piano Music for the Soul

Solo Piano Music:

• Bach (J.S.):  Partitas (6), French Suites (6), The Well-Tempered Clavier, The Goldberg    Variations, numerous preludes and fugues

• Beethoven: Piano Sonatas (32), Bagatelles

• Chopin:  Prolific composer for piano, including Preludes, Impromptus, Nocturnes, Polonaises, Mazurkas, Sonatas and others

• Brahms:  Intermezzos, Capriccios, Ballades

• Haydn:  Piano Sonatas (lots)

• Mozart:   Piano Sonatas (again, lots)

• Satie (Erik): Lots of short pieces, "Gymnopedies" are famous 

• Scarlatti:  Piano Sonatas

• Schubert:  Impromptus (11), Sonata in B-flat (posthumous)

• Schumann: Kinderszenen (Scenes from Childhood)

Also, two of my very favorite CD's are collections of solo piano music:  Leon Fleisher "Two       Hands", and a solo CD by Mieczyslaw Horszowski (spell that without looking!)

Piano Concertos:

• Bach:  Italian Concerto, other Keyboard/Clavier Concertos (we have 1-7)

• Beethoven:  Piano Concertos (5), esp. #5, "The Emperor"

• Brahms: Piano Concertos (2)

• Chopin: Piano Concertos (2)

• Mozart: Piano Concertos (27), esp. #20, #21, and #24

• Rachmaninoff: Piano Concertos (4),  #2 is most famous

• Schumann: Piano Concerto

• Tschaikovsky:  Piano Concertos (4), #1 is most famous

Favorite performers of classical piano works:  Richard Goode, Rudolph Serkin, Glenn Gould, Geza Anda. Artur Rubenstein, Murray Perahia, Emanuel Ax, Leon Fleisher

Et cetera:  Aside from the classical music listed above, the piano is totally enjoyable as a casual instrument.  You can find everything from Ragtime to show tunes recorded on piano. We especially enjoy a jazz ensemble called the BeeGee Adair Trio that has recorded a number of jazz and easy listening pieces.

Happy Listening!  Hope you are all staying safe and are tolerating isolation.  Here's hoping some music will lift your spirits.

Eastertide

Hi Everyone,

I have spent the past couple of days just basking in the Easter light.  It feels good to have the misery of Holy Week in the rear view mirror.  We had a blast of winter from Sunday through Tuesday (yesterday), but today the sun is out, the azaleas are blooming, and it looks and feels more like Spring.  Yesterday, I had reason to visit the farm where my sweet horse lives to deliver a check for the farrier.  We made a real pair: I in my mask and gloves, both of us in our winter coats.  But it was a touch of Heaven just to see her raise her head from the hay pile in recognition of my voice and to run my hands over her dirty, shaggy coat.

My brief trip out into the world and my Easter mood got me reflecting on God's providence, even in times of trial.  Susan, who owns and manages the farm, was there to care for the animals, as she does through cold winter, blistering summer, and the random pandemic among us. The horseshoer, Daniel, was on his way to tend to hooves that have been bathed in mud for these few weeks.  The horses, being both lazy and playful, have been standing around eating until they look up and decide to run and kick and frolic across the pasture.  Several are now gimping around with pulled leg muscles. This is ordinary life at the farm, and it has rarely looked so beautiful.

The Scripture that best fits my experience is from James, 1:17:

Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift, is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (NRSV)

I manage my days of isolation best when I focus on the givers - the many people, heroes actually, who are carrying out essential tasks with grace and generosity of spirit.  Like Mr. Rogers famously said, "Look for the helpers."  I would add, "Bless the helpers with your most extravagant gifts."

Easter Sunday

He is Risen!!

Photo by Jim Neoh

Holy Week Music

This is my husband, Stephen Gates, cellist, and our St. Thomas organist, David White.  The art was selected by parishioner James Stroud for the 2020 Lenten series.

Holy Saturday

Today is Holy Saturday, the day I most acutely feel our Lord's absence.  No matter my circumstances on this day each year, I think about the dark church, with the eternal flame extinguished. The rest of the time, when I'm troubled or in some kind of turmoil, I go into the quiet nave and simply sit with the Holy Spirit.  When I look toward the altar, my eyes are drawn to the candle at the aumbry that signifies the presence of the Holy One. This practice has brought me comfort, wisdom, and transformation more times than I can count.  Between Maundy Thursday and tomorrow, Easter day, the presence is not available, and I feel at sea.  A deep sadness settles in, and I'm able to mourn for Jesus and what the authorities did to him.

The gruesome crucifixion is over, and Christ's body lays in the tomb, lovingly provided by a rich man, Joseph of Arimathea.  I try to spend this day imagining what it must have felt like to the women who did not yet know the rest of the story.  Mary Magdalene, Mary Mother of Christ, Jesus' friends Mary and Martha - all they knew was that Jesus was dead.  Their despair must have been crushing.  I will sit with them for the course of this day and let that universal feeling of loss settle in my bones.

As with most of my spiritual practice, there's a hymn for that.  From the Methodist hymnal:

O Love divine, What has thou done?
The immortal God hath died for me!
The Father's co-eternal Son
bore all my sins upon the tree.
Th' immortal God for me hath died,
My Lord, my Love, is crucified.

New Laptop and Holy Week Activity

My new HP laptop came today!!  To you techies, it's a very simple machine, but to me it is amazing! My old one died at age 6, so technology has come a long way in the interim. The set up on this machine took minimal time. I remember the days of the old IBM desk-top PC I used to write my dissertation many long years ago.  It cost more than twice this laptop, was huge and cumbersome, and Word Star required imbedded symbols for all the punctuation marks.  Today's pc's are light years from those originals, but, in their day, those machines represented the best the tech world had to offer.  You could do computer work at home instead of being tied to the massive mainframe on campus. The people who are advancing the computing field have my deep admiration.

I'm especially grateful for "the information highway", to use Al Gore's term, in these days of isolation. I can write to you and read other blogs that interest me.  I can entertain myself, buy what we need, and connect with my family and friends.  I can even 'attend' church remotely.  On that front, I commend to you the Lenten series prepared by our clergy and a parishioner who owns an art gallery.  Please go to www.stthomasspringdale.org, and check out 'Lenten Series by the Rev. Dr. Von Unruh'.  Pam Morgan, our rector, Von Unruh, our Methodist colleague,  James Stroud, gallery owner, and Stephen Gates, cellist, put together a Wednesday night series that got interrupted by covid-19.  The subject is a walk through the events of Holy Week, and you can pick it up where we had to take it online.  Rev. Unruh, our resident scholar, prepared the very informative lectures, which were paired with related art works and music for the whole effect.  I had no idea I would learn so much and have my long-held assumptions rearranged!

My little brain is filled with all I want to check out now that I have a new computer to play with.  I'll be watching the St. Thomas videos, and hope you will join me.

Fruits of the Spirit

I was reminded today of the fruits of the Spirit, found in Paul's letter to the Galations (5:22-23 & 25): ...the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. ... If we live by the Spirit, let us also be guided by the Spirit. (NRSV)

Aren't these just the qualities we need to survive this pandemic? While we can turn on the TV or news feed and see people flaunting rules and hoarding supplies, we have also seen remarkable acts of selflessness and care for one another.  I hope so very fervently that we can maintain this caring attitude once we are cleared by the experts to resume 'normal' life. And we may need to be especially tolerant of each other when we find out what life looks like beyond our quarantine.

My husband and I, in the way long-married couples do, have shortened the list above into a cliche that governs our common life: "Cut the people you love some slack!" We are entering our fourth week of isolation together, and we're enjoying each other's company and going about these weird days very peaceably. We can each claim a decent supply of spiritual fruits.

I have depended greatly on patience and self-control today. We set out to hook up a new DVR after breakfast.  It seemed easy enough. Everything went swimmingly until I turned on the machine and got the message "wrong region".  What?!?  I've learned a lot about this.  A DVD and its player must be synced to the same region.  It's a technical protocol to help reduce pirating of copyrighted material.  Who knew? The fixes we could find involved entering a numerical code in the machine to override the whole region thing, only.....our remote had no numerical pad. 💥 I visited the Sandoo website, read technical blog posts, yada, yada.  It finally occurred to me to look at the comments on Amazon, where we ordered the player.  Right there in the top line was the 3-step fix for my problem.  Sometimes patience is rewarded with a heart-felt "I DID it!!", even if it came in the late afternoon.

Stay tuned. My new laptop is supposed to be delivered Wednesday!

Lord Jesus, fill us with Spiritual resources as we're put to the test by the corona virus.  Let those who are worried, stressed, tired, sick and at risk find your Word to be a source of comfort and peace.  Amen.

Who would you like to lift into God's life-giving light as you pray today?

Music to Feed the Soul - Part 1, Sacred Music

Hello friends,

I realized this morning during breakfast how much comfort I'm gaining from our extensive collection of music.  As I've mentioned before, I'm coming up on forty years of marriage to a classically trained cellist, whose career consisted of 42 years as a professor.  There are few financial benefits to life as a music professor, but we can legally deduct LP's, CD's, travel to concerts, etc. on our taxes!  I've greatly enjoyed my easy access to musical expertise, and an idea came to me for sharing.

I follow some blogs that include excellent references to books that fit the interests of the typical reader.  I'd like to offer a similar list of musical favorites.  If you find that you like this kind of post, you can let me know in the comments.  I'm starting with sacred music, since this blog focuses on the life of the spirit.  But deeply moving music exists in many categories:  symphonic music, chamber music, solo piano, vocal music, etc.  I can run this by again in the future if you like it.

We have clung to our luddite roots regarding music.  We listen to LPs and CDs, with the occasional classical music radio (NPR or Symphony Hall on XM). You can still order many of the CDs we own (do your part to make Amazon the only company that survives covid-19!).  Those of you who stream your music will also find numerous options for the suggestions below.

This list is organized roughly chronologically.  Some composers overlap, so it isn't exact.  Dates are approximate and subject to interpretation. Also, this is not intended as an exhaustive list.  These are just favorites of mine.  Add your own in the comments if you'd like.

Sacred Music for the Soul

• Gregorian chant (pre-1450):  Some of the earliest sacred music was sung during worship in monasteries by monks and nuns.  It is monophonic music, meaning there is a single line of music and no instrumental accompaniment.  Chant tunes borrowed from Jewish and Medieval sources. Chants have been recorded by numerous groups, including Anonymous 4 and the Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo. 

• Renaissance (to 1600):  Music saw the beginnings of polyphony, meaning multiple musical lines for various singing voices, along with possible accompaniment by keyboard or ensemble. Composers include Palestrina and Tallis, among others.  

• The Baroque Period (to 1750):   Of course, the most prolific Baroque composer was J.S. Bach, who's employment involved writing worship pieces for the court at Weimar.  A short-list of 'Greatest Hits' includes: The Magnificat, The St. John Passion, numerous Cantatas featuring soprano voice (look for collections by Lorraine Hunt Lieberson, Kathleen Battle, and Kiri Te Kanawa), along with scads of organ works, many of which we hear in church today as preludes and postludes.

          Vivaldi (Gloria) preceded Bach, and Handel (The Messiah) followed him.

• The Classical Period (to 1825) saw music become increasingly 'complex' with intricate, identifiable structure reflecting the development of musical instruments and larger ensembles. While some musicians still worked under the employment of a benefactor, others wrote for the public.  Composers of the time include Haydn (Creation) and Mozart (Solemn Vespers, Exultate, Ave Verum Corpus, Requiem). 

• The Early 19th Century includes many of the most widely recognized classical composers, including Beethoven (Missa Solemnis), Schubert (Mass in D plus other beautiful masses) and Mendelssohn (Elijah).

• The Late 19th Century includes Brahms (Requiem) and Faure (Requiem).

I get teased at home for ending my classical music tastes about the time of Brahms.  I love the Leonard Bernstein Mass, but am kind of ignorant of other 20th century classical music.

Performance can matter significantly when choosing classical music to enjoy.  Some reliable options are The Academy of St. Martin in the Fields, Robert Shaw and the Atlanta Symphony, and The Choir of King's College.  If I'm taking a leap of faith, I try to stay with known ensembles and conductors (Bernstein, Solti, The NY Phil., The Boston Sym., The Chicago Sym., and the Vienna Phil.)

A couple of outliers I enjoy are The Psalms of David (King's College Choir), collections by the Harvard Glee Club (which tend to include some sacred), and a solo piano CD by Leon Fleisher called  Two Hands (gorgeous playing of Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring and Sheep May Safely Graze, both by Bach).

Hope this hits a sweet spot for you!  I've intentionally made it short and sweet.  Forgive me if I've omitted your favorite.  Feel free to enlighten me!  You will find much fodder for a Lenten state of mind in the many Masses and Requiems on the list.  I cleanse my palate with James Taylor or jazz when I get too serious.  Happy listening.

              

            

Better than words

This is the sweet pink dogwood in my front yard. We planted it years ago. My husband wrote it off for dead a number of times, but it even survived the 2009 ice storm that cleared the rest of the trees from our lot.

I needed a sign of hope today, and I usually go to the woods for inspiration. I know my favorite riding trail is glorious, but I'm allergic to all the trees that are blooming right now. There's no point in getting my sinuses angry and then fretting that I've contracted the corona virus! 

Can you walk near your home? Or even call up a favorite memory of the earth waking up from winter. Spring reminds me of the familiar Irish blessing:

May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face. The rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Favorite Bible Verse

Well, heck fire! My ancient Toshiba laptop died a peaceful death this morning. It may have contracted covid-19, but I think it just died of natural causes. The screen was very dim yesterday although the brightness was turned up.  I'm going to have to become an Apple convert for awhile and use my husband's I-Mac. We'll see if it sticks.  He's been trying for months to get me to switch, since Apple has fewer problems with hackers.

Anyway, I noticed a fellow blogger (ksrgmck.wordpress.com) keeps her favorite Bible verse in front of her readers.  That triggered me to recall my own favorite, which, I realized, is a good fit for our current conditions.  From Paul's letter to the Philippians (4:6-7): "Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Last night was one of my toss and turn nights.  The owner of the stable where I board my horse has quarantined the farm.  The wife of one of her husband's coworkers has tested positive for the coronavirus, and Susan is opting to be cautious.  I'm grateful.  She's an excellent farm manager, and keeps a good supply of hay on hand.  She maintains good relationships with her suppliers, and has the flatbed trailer needed for transport.  She will be able to remove the horses' shoes and let them go barefoot if the farrier can't come out.  She is able to do a good deal of vet work, such as wound treatment if, horses being horses, someone gets hurt.

On my good days, I think about the other side of this pandemic being a continuation of our previous lives.  But it won't be.  That's where I need to cling to my Bible verse.  The virus could inflict its devastation on my own family, my barn friends, or my church family.  We simply don't know where this is going or what a 'new normal' might look like.  The only thing I can grab ahold of is my faith in God's providence.  I need God's peace in my heart and mind more than ever.

May your hearts be comforted by prayer.  May you and those dear to you be safe.  May our faith be strengthened, and may we be held in God's almighty hand as our uncertain future unfolds.

You Ain't Nuthin' but a Hound Dog!

Someone at our house is enjoying social distancing entirely too much!  Luke the Basset is in heaven.  Don't you wish we could be this free of anxiety?  We went out in the yard for awhile this afternoon to pull weeds and install fencing around my husband's blueberries.  The hound likes to dig them up.  A couple of days back, he chewed up the bleach tray for my top teeth. 😠 I spend half my time vacuuming dog hair and cleaning up after him. He's a big, slobbery pain in the ....  But here's the thing about love - our lives would not be as rich without him. And he models grace for us in so many unexpected ways.  His innocence and trust are breathtaking.

My church streamed services this morning, and a fellow choir member sang one of my top 3 favorite hymns:

Breathe on me, Breath of God,
fill me with life anew,
that I may love what thou dost love, 
and do what thou wouldst do.

Breathe on me, Breath of God, 
until my heart is pure,
until with thee I will one will, 
to do or to endure.

Breathe on me, Breath of God,
till I am wholly thine,
till all this earthly part of me
glows with thy fire divine.

Breathe on me, Breath of God,
so shall I never die,
but live with thee the perfect life
of thine eternity.                                  Hymn #508

I Need Music

I tried to write yesterday, but the words just were't there.  I was going to tell you I had "the blah's", but who doesn't?  That sounded too close to a whine.  I thought I'd pick up the pace today, so I'm wearing a little make-up, my hair is clean and styled, and I'm wearing a cute top.  I does help me feel more like myself than like the slug of yesterday.

Last night before turning out my light, I read a book review by Atul Gawande in the March 23 edition of The New Yorker. My husband reads the magazine religiously and passes on to me the items I might enjoy.  Gawande is a favorite.  He's a surgeon who writes beautifully on medical issues.  You may have read one of his best-selling books.  He reviewed a book by Anne Case and her husband, Nobel laureate in economics, Angus Deaton called The Blight.  The crux of the book is that the American economy and the structure of work have changed in ways that have created a climate of despair among white working-class men without college degrees.  This population is experiencing a public health crisis from "deaths of despair" - alcohol and drug abuse and suicide.

One statistic in the article that resonated with me is that only one-third of the general population
attends religious services today.  I was already aware that attendance has fallen off considerably in most of the mainline denominations to varying degrees.  Many survey respondents indicate that they are "spiritual but not religious".  If you want to rile up my priest, just quote this data point! 

As she so rightly points out, even Jesus gathered a group of disciples as his companions.  Whether or not it was exactly twelve exactly males is beside the point.  Even the God in human form needed community. The National Cathedral and my own church, St. Thomas, Springdale, are streaming worship services on YouTube as we observe social distancing.  I greatly appreciate the effort that goes into these services, and they are keeping me as connected as possible in this unique time.

Even so, it doesn't feel like Lent to me.  I'm reading and hearing the Lenten scriptures.  I'm informed by excellent sermons on the texts.  Can I put my finger on anything in particular?  I realized that I'm strongly dependent on the hymns of each church season to draw me into its essence.  I can pick out hymn tunes on the piano, but there is something about the entire congregation plus choir singing together that touches a deep place in my soul.  Singing resonates within our bodies, and the effect of many voices filling the nave ushers me out into the world with a refreshed heart. I will miss that until we can meet again.

I sang in a choir in high school that often featured an anthem with this text.  It soothes my heart today:

God be with you 'til we meet again;
by His counsel's guide uphold you,
with His sheep securely fold you;
God be with you 'til we meet again.

Contemplative Prayer

Well, dang it! Today's local paper included an article that hand-made face masks will not be accepted at the large hospitals in our area.  I can see the potential for contamination.  I hope the makers of effective masks can ramp up production and that the needed protective gear can be transported to where it's most needed.  We listened to an excellent broadcast of 'Fresh Air' last night on NPR. Terry Gross interviewed Max Brooks, son of Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft, who has studied contagion extensively in order to write both fiction and non-fiction on the subject.  In his latest novel, a virus infects people and turns them into zombies.  Yikes!  But, in the course of the interview, he gave a wonderful description of what could happen if the Federal Government (well, The President) activated the defense production capabilities.  Companies would be compelled and enabled to share raw materials to respond to a disaster.  For example, to address the need for ventilators, a firm that has tubing would be linked with a firm that has motors would be linked to a firm that has housings would be linked ....  Sounds like a good idea.

Are you familiar with the Center for Action and Contemplation (CAC) directed by Richard Rohr?  The Center publishes a daily email (Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation) which I commend to you.  Today's meditation addressed the topic of contemplative  prayer, with input from CAC faculty member Brian McLaren.  I first learned about McLaren when my spiritual companions group read and discussed his book, The Great Spiritual Migration.  He is an activist and an expert on contemplative prayer.  I found his suggestions inspiring.

First, to calm the monkey brain we're all fighting at this time of high anxiety, simply hold the word Help up to God.  Let that plain, strong word bring focus to your mind.  Allow the anxiety to dissipate somewhat.  Once that vague sense of dread begins to drop, choose a more specific word that captures your need, such as Guidance, Patience, Compassion or Stamina. Try a practice of allowing your petition to God to expand in this manner.  The Help step is the gateway; the expansion, practiced over time, strengthens our sacred connection to God.

I'm motivated to try this prayer practice, as my mind has been cluttered of late and my usual ties to my church family and my horse friends are, of necessity, tenuous right now.  Fr. Richard suggests asking ourselves:  What word or phrase resonates with or challenges me? What sensations do I notice in my body? What is mine to do?

References:

Brian D. McLaren, Naked Spirituality (HarperOne: 2011)

Center for Action and Contemplation, Fr. Richard Rohr, cac.org,  Wednesday, 3/25/20

Praying as a Pandemic Unfolds

I've been self isolated for almost two weeks at this point.  Having grown up an only child with a heart patient father, entertaining myself quietly is one of my superpowers. I'm not nearly as distressed as my more extroverted friends by social distancing.  But I have noticed that I miss the chance to "see the light" in other people face-to-face.  When I'm out in the world, attempting to "honor the dignity of every human being" as charged  in our baptismal covenant, I'm often surprised and spiritually educated by other people.  So, my prayer life has evolved as my isolation has increased.  I find myself praying a very simple prayer for all of humanity: Lord, hold your children in the palm of your hand as we weather this crisis. Then I lift up those in my own orbit that I know need a special prayer partner right now from my family and friends, my St. Thomas family, and my Daughters of the King prayer lists.

I had a couple of insights yesterday.  I haven't posted in awhile because I've been sewing face masks to donate to my local hospital.  It came to me as I measured and stitched that my little ministry constitutes prayer; I can pray through my hands.  I can ask God to bless each person that will use one of the masks and protect him or her from harm. Amen.

An insight that just blindsided me as I was struggling to fall asleep last night was this:  This stinking little virus infects people indiscriminately. It doesn't care if you're rich or poor, attractive or homely, Asian or Italian, young or old, important or insignificant in the earthly realm.  That must be the way God sees the human family!  What more evidence do we need that we're all in this together?  None of us are OK unless all of us are OK.  Would that the leaders of the world could see through those lenses.  How much more effective could we be in fighting this unseen menace if all human life was embraced as valuable?  Instead of profiteering and fighting to maintain an old worn-out hierarchy of wealth and influence, world leaders would unite to preserve life.  That must be closer to "God's reign".  It just has to be.

A hymn I learned in children's choir ages ago has played in my head all morning:

In Christ there is no East or West,
in Him no South or North,
but one great fellowship of love
throughout the whole wide earth. Hymn #529

It's Nice to be Sew Useful!

I went along on the dog walk today with my husband and almost 2-year-old basset, Luke.  They've gone alone most days this week because I'm trying not to get all stuffed up with my usual spring allergies, which seems to invite lung illness.  But it was nice today and I'm a bit stir crazy, so I put on a sweater with a hood and donned a face mask and joined them.  It really did feel good to get out of these 4 walls for a few minutes, and I know the exercise did me good.

I stopped and rang the doorbell at my neighbor's house across the street. She's a nurse in the local ER, and I had a question.  My sewing websites and blogs are lit up with requests for anyone who can sew to join in the effort to make masks.  There are lots of free patterns available online.  I wondered if that was relevant in my community.  "Absolutely!!", she said, "and thank you so much."  We are facing a shortage of masks, like everyone else, and apparently a cloth mask over a hospital mask can extend its life.  Suzy worked her shift this morning.  She saw two patients that required her to dress out in full gear. One technically had ketoacidosis, a complication of diabetes - but the prominent symptoms were dry cough and fever. Lord Jesus, put a veil of protection over the self-less professionals who are working through this crisis on behalf of others.

My chapter of the Daughters of the King meets once a month, and we open with the motto of the order:

          For His Sake...
          I am but one, but I am one.
          I cannot do everything, but I can do something.
          What I can do, I ought to do.
          What I ought to do, by the grace of God I will do.
          Lord, what will you have me do?

I'm off to make some masks. Thanks be to God for a task I can do to help.

Psalm 23

There was a time several years back that I met with a group of women once a week to write prayers.  We were guided much of that time by a book by Rachel G. Hackenberg called Writing to God: 40 Days of Praying with my Pen. I highly recommend the book, along with the discipline of writing prayers, if you're so inclined.  Ms. Hackenberg's book is designed for use during Lent, although we stretched it out over a much longer period of time.  Staying home during the COVID-19 outbreak has left me a bit barren in the spiritual realm, so I looked up today's writing prompt in the book. Hmmm. The Holy Spirit had a surprise for me - today is the 23rd day of Lent 2020, and the title for that day in Writing to God is "Experiencing Psalm 23".  How perfect is that for the times we're living through!

This has to be one of the most reassuring passages in all of scripture.  By inference, the author must have known times of fear and despair; times when the only thing to do was cast his cares upon God.  No one chooses to go into the desert; it is thrust upon us by circumstance.  I know my first reaction is to see if there is a way to avoid the pain.  But life has taught me that the only way to arrive at a place of peace is to go through it.  Psalm 23 promises us company and providence. I needed this today, as I had trouble falling asleep last night with worrying tapes playing over and over in my head.  What if I was exposed to the corona virus before I stopped going out?  If I get it, will I be one of the complicated cases? Would there be an ICU bed if I needed it? What if I lose people I love to this pandemic?

If you're bored with your usual distractions, why not try writing a prayer?  There's no wrong way to do it.  There are as many prayers as there are believers.  Quoting Ms. Hackenberg in today's prompt: "...we cannot always see God's goodness through the shadows.  In your written prayer, do not be afraid to be fully honest with God about a source of pain or despair."  This is one of the beauties of writing prayers: it's just between you and God.  When I was young and naive, I was afraid that God would be offended if I was angry/scared/clumsy/sad in my prayers.  What a typical novice mistake!  Prayer wasn't about me trying to be perfect before God.  Prayer, according to my priest, is a gift God gives to us. Not the reverse.  It is an invitation into relationship. Honest relationship. God is big enough to hear anything we might have to say.  He will still show up with anointing oil.

Psalm 23 King James Version (KJV)

23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.