10 Years Old

This photo is of my first grandchild, Bentley Dale Callahan, ready to go home from the hospital the day after his birth, July 20, 2010.  Yesterday we celebrated his 10th birthday.  How did that happen?  It seems we were in the delivery room just a couple of years ago.  My daughter had an emergency C-section when he got wedged onto the umbilical cord, so I got to go in and see him first, right after he cried for the doctor.  If I hadn't seen it for myself, I would swear he was a clone of his dad, and my daughter had nothing to do with it.  Now he's grown into an awesome big kid with permanent teeth.  He's kind, funny, caring, athletic.  He hunts and fishes with his dad, he plays baseball when we're not in a pandemic, and he's the best big brother on the planet. From the time of the picture, he has owned a piece of my heart.  I will always simply adore my red headed boy.

I've probably already said I think God gives us people that take our breath away to remind us how He loves us.  How would we know the love of God if we couldn't experience a close version in our earthly lives?  Maybe God watches us grow and mature the way I watch Bentley, with unbridled joy.  I pray nightly that he and his sister will dwell in the safety of God's wings and that life will lead them to become the people He created them to be.  My quest as their grandmother is to show them how to nurture themselves through the storms of life.  I hope they will internalize my voice of acceptance, love, and calm, so they can hear me when I move on to the next life.  I know I have that gift from my grandmothers.

We enjoyed hot dogs, chips, and cupcakes on the deck.  Perfectly unhealthy fare for a kid birthday.  Bentley, along with his sister, his dad, and the basset hound, played with the dodgeball that was in his bag of gifts.  They went home full and sticky and tired, with dirty feet.  I hope this memory will go in their mental scrapbook of their childhood.  I love Bentley, his sister, and their parents beyond words.  I begged God for a family, and could never have imagined how that prayer would be answered.  It is a continual adventure.  Thanks be to God!

Prayer Help

I went to bed Friday night feeling bad that my prayer life had become so dry and repetitive during social distancing.  I seem to say the same things to God, as if he's hard of hearing or isn't paying attention or doesn't care to listen to me.  Then, yesterday, Saturday, a group of 6 from my boarding stable went on a trail ride.  It was familiar territory, the city park right across the street from the farm.  It's too hot to load up horses and trailer them to a different set of trails.  I simply headed out with the others, as I have dozens of times.

Along the way, I became aware of all my senses, so I tuned in.  I saw beams of sunshine reaching through the tree cover. I saw a string of people and horses I love stretching out ahead of me.  I saw little purple phlox peeking out of the greenery.  I heard water flowing over the rocky falls and down the river.  I heard chatter and laughter up ahead.  I heard a story of how a conflict at the farm had been resolved amicably.  I smelled the beloved scent of horses, woods, and river.  I felt the sway of the horse I've loved and ridden for 23 years.  She has carried me so many miles she compensates for my crooked back.   Other riders say she tracks to the right, but it feels straight and steady to me. I realized with a start that the whole ride was a prayer, a very rich, detailed prayer of thanksgiving.  

Sometimes the harder I try, the more elusive my holy connection becomes.  Then, when I'm not paying attention or engaged in something else, I realize the veil has been drawn and the holy presence I seek has been there all along.  It's not a matter of trying harder, but of trusting that I will be drawn back in.  It's hard to let go and trust.  I feel much more confident of things that improve when I put in effort, like working in the yard or cleaning the bathrooms.

I am reminded of the hymn, "Taste and See", which has been recorded and posted on YouTube by several wonderful singers.  I like the one featuring Chelsea Esmeier. 

4th of July

Hello Friends,

Happy 4th of July!  It's a toned down celebration in our part of Arkansas this year, but I can hear some fireworks going off.  The basset hound seems to be oblivious.  He wanted an evening walk, but it's raining.  Maybe that will usher in a little cool breeze.

I've been writing a monthly prayer for my church e-news this summer, so here's the one for July:

Gracious God, You have blessed our lives by providing us the many opportunities of a free, democratic country as our home.  We lift our voices in thanksgiving as we celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence on July 4.  Bind in our hearts the central tenet of this document: "We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Give us wisdom and courage to live these truths, and to help assure that all in our country enjoy the dignity of these basic rights. We pray for those whose lives are constrained by oppressive regimes throughout the world.  Help us to learn through these unusual days of pandemic how the nations of the world are connected, and nurture our ability to see the face of your son, Jesus, in those whom we look upon as "other".  Guide us through this challenging time.  Show us how we can "be the church" while caring for one another by social distancing.  In Your holy name we pray.  Amen.

I had never before noticed the similarity between "We hold these truths to be self evident..." and "Respect the dignity of every human being".  Words to ponder.