Hymn of the Day - 490

I often wake up with a hymn running through my head.  Sometimes, like today, it is so persistent that I feel it's calling me to pay attention to something.  Today's hymn is #490: "I want to walk as a child of the light" (full text below).

I think this hymn was sung at the online service of my church last Sunday, which may explain its appearance in my subconscious. Reflecting on this tune and its words brings up theological questions that have and continue to confound me.  We are a  Trinitarian church - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  The clergy at my church play a game each year of trying to pawn the Trinity Sunday sermon off on each other.  I can understand why.  The best conception I've learned over the years is that God can be thought of as a sacred Being with (at least) three identities: The Creator (Father), the Redeemer (Son), and the Comforter (Holy Spirit).  That at least moves me beyond thinking of Jesus as The Father's little boy.  As we hear at the opening of John's gospel, "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God." So, the Word, Jesus, was there all along.

Of the three, Jesus is the hardest for me to wrap my human mind around.  I expect this to sound strange to some, as He is the face of God who came among us for a time.  I can see evidence of the Creator for myself: in the faces of those I love, in the animals I love, in the woods, on the water, in the seasons.  And I can see creation continuing to unfold as babies are born and the earth and our galaxy behave in predictable cycles.  I can feel the Comforter: a compelling presence drawing me into prayer, the unexpected sting of tears upon hearing a piece of music or looking upon a scene, a nudge that points me toward some behavior (like writing a blog).

Then there's Jesus, the Redeemer.  I can certainly believe in redemption, as I've known profound forgiveness and healing in my journey.  But the part about Jesus coming to Earth to give his life for my sins - huh???  Jesus coming to Earth to model Godly behavior is easy.  Jesus coming to Earth in the form of an infant to surprise humanity about how God works, I get.  I'm coming to grips with Jesus as the only person ever who was both fully human and fully divine, and therefore sinless.

This hymn does capture some important Jesus things for me.  Jesus as the Light of the World resonates strongly, and I so much want to live in relationship with Jesus. Maybe one of my husband's spiritual directors was right when she said, "He's just sitting in the corner waiting for you."  I'll keep striving.  I close my eyes as the Eucharistic prayers are said, "He took bread, broke it, and gave it to his disciples.....After supper He took the cup of wine...."  I can imagine his strong carpenter hands and picture Him doing these servant tasks in my mind. But I still have a lot of questions that will just have to wait until my race is run.


Hymn 490 - Episcopal Hymnal

I want to walk as a child of the light.
I want to follow Jesus.
God set the stars to give light to the world.
The star of my life is Jesus.

I want to see the brightness of God.
I want to look at Jesus.
Clear sun of righteousness, shine on my path,
and show me the way to the Father.

I'm looking for the coming of Christ.
I want to be with Jesus.
When we have run with patience the race, 
we shall know the joy of Jesus.

Refrain: 
In him there is no darkness at all.
The night and the day are both alike.
The Lamb is the light of the city of God.
Shine in my heart, Lord Jesus.