Oops, I Goofed

Hello friends,

I'd like to share a couple of things that happened last night very close together.  I realized in the shower that I had dropped the ball on a task I took on for my church.  Our services are online right now, so most of the Sunday lay ministries are on hold during the pandemic.  One thing we can continue, however, is the altar flower ministry.  Several years back, we decided to do the flowers ourselves, as commercial arrangements were beyond many of our budgets and the church was on a tight string as well.  It has been a surprisingly popular ministry, with parishioners claiming the Sundays of the year in honor or in memory of loved ones and special events. We enjoy a bounty of simple arrangements from peoples' yards or from our local stores. Since we're not seeing the bulletin board outside the office right now, I agreed to schedule flowers, probably for the remainder of 2020.  I forgot to take care of this week.

My go-to response is to beat up on myself for being so forgetful and disorganized.  So I naturally headed down that path.  Later, clean me was sitting in my recliner reading a chapter in Henri Nouwen's Spiritual Direction.  It was the chapter on God's love for each of us.  I had already read Life of the Beloved several years ago, but I need frequent reminders.  Nouwen, in many of his writings, finds a way to emphasize the point that we are each God's very special beloved - even when we forget to take care of the altar flowers.  

Can I come to feel, deep in my being, that I am loved no matter what?  That is a quest at the core of my spiritual journey.  The people who raised me were good people doing their best.  But I'm a baby boomer.  I grew up at a time, in a place, in a family where my treatment depended on my behavior.  I was rewarded or punished for doing, not being.  When I lost my dad at age 8, I lost the person who simply delighted in my company.  I've spent most of my life consciously or unconsciously trying to please and earn favor.  I'm retirement age, and am finally expressing some facets of my personality that I've either been unaware of or kept under wraps for many years.  I wish you could see my Bonnie Raitt hair color!  My husband is liking the experimental me.  He's another blessing in my life who encourages me to be my true self. 

Is there a way you can put some of your corona virus boredom to good use exploring your innate belovedness?  What do you embrace about who you are today?  Is there anything you might delete or add during this major opportunity to reset?  May you be wrapped in God's abiding love while you ponder these eternal questions.