Well, Duh!

Hello Friends,

I had an 'Aha!' moment getting ready for bed last night.  I knew instantly why I was depressed yesterday: it was my father's birthday.  He was born in the deep south on June 19, "Juneteenth". Although he's been gone now for 57 years, I remember with total clarity how he was my North Star.  As a very young heart patient (he died at 38), he knew his life would be cut short.  He was ill, unable to rid his body of the killer cholesterol, in the years that just preceded effective medicines and bypass surgery.  He spent as much of his precious, limited time with me as possible - wherever you found him, you found me. 

Have you had that experience where your mood for the day seems determined by some unseen force, then you realize there's a powerful memory attached to the date?  I carry my dad's DNA.  The milestones of his life are part of me at a cellular level.  What if it's like that with the imprint of our heavenly father?  It intrigues me to think we have an innate connection to our creator that draws us throughout our earthly life into the luminous presence of the holy.  I was unaware until bedtime that I was directed yesterday by the mystical memory of my dad.  There are probably numerous times when I've been led that way by the Holy Spirit, but may never know on this side when it was happening. 

I'm aware of a couple of examples.  I met my true love during college, had no doubt whatsoever that he was the one, and married him against my family's wishes.  We celebrate our 40th anniversary in August. That was that first time, on a big decision, that I didn't take my cues from my elders. When they leaned on me to change my plans, I had always deferred to their wishes.  But there was no waffling about my Stephen. I was clearly strengthened by a force I hadn't acknowledged before.  And my 2 beautiful daughters are both adopted.  I sometimes catch my breath in wonder that I had the wherewithal to sign on for life with these helpless, totally dependent, completely enchanting little beings that I didn't even know about until after their birth.  The three greatest blessings of my life came with a great deal of surprise and unfolding mystery.  But I'm ever more convinced it was no 'accident' that this family was created as it was. 

So, I'd like to have the doors of my soul opened as much as possible to the movement of the spirit in my life.  Prayer helps. As does quiet meditation.  I get all babbly and talk too much most of the time.  There are a lot of people I know and love who need to be lifted up at any given time.  And it is my pleasure to have them along in my prayers.  But what do I need to do, or perhaps not do, to increase my attention to things unseen and unspoken?  I know You're there.  Lord, can you help me tune in to the subconscious channel on my radio?